When I was in Seventh grade, I knew I was gay, but I wasn’t sure if I was or not. There was this boy named Edwin who was really good looking and just very good looking. I couldn’t help and just gaze into his beauty, these feelings that were growing inside of me. I kept telling myself, I’m not gay, I can’t be gay. I like girls. But I kept denying the fact I was, but I kept it a secret to myself. After some time during my encounter of these feelings, I felt the guilt sliding down my throat not because of the feelings, but the fact that I was lying to myself that I was attracted to women. I needed to tell someone, I couldn’t tell my family because I was afraid they would disown me as their son. I wanted to tell one of my friends, but I felt that they would tell a whole a lot of people about myself. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I was too scared to face the pain, but a sign of hope came to me. My brother was that sign of hope, he was just not family nor my older sibling, but my best friend. How could I tell him that I’m gay. I felt a pain, but I felt another joyful feeling that maybe it won’t be so bad. The next day, I told my brother to come into my room so I can talk to him. He sat next to me and looking puzzled because of my depressing face. He asked me ” Tomasz….what’s wrong?” I told him ” Would you still be my brother and love me no matter what or who I am?” He replied with a confused but most confident look ” Yes I will, you’re my baby brother…..now tell me what’s wrong?!” Before I could tell him, he stopped me before I could start my statement. ” Tomasz…you’re gay and you don’t have to tell me. I always knew you were and you’re still the same person and brother I will love no matter what.” I looked confused but relieved that he already knew what I was going to say to him. ” How did you know I was?!” I asked him. ” I always known you were and plus you look at guys the way I look at girls when I want to get their numbers haha.” We laughed and laughed to make it comfortable for us. I asked him ” You don’t feel weird around me since I’m gay now?” He replied ” No! I have a gay best friend who is a guy and he is amazing. He respects me and I respect him back.” My brother hugged me and told me to never be afraid of who you are, never let people put you down because that’s how they feel about you. Be yourself, be your own leader. I took those words with me everyday and I looked at my brother as my true hero because he helped me realize it’s okay to be who you are, just be you. Eventually, I came out to my parents and they were happy that I made my decision to make myself happy and proud. That was my story and I hope you guys liked it.
Remember my fellow bloggers, be yourself, do what makes you happy. Don’t follow what people are doing, be your own leader.
Why can’t I have a cute ass boyfriend, that is a little taller than me or my height, who plays sports, who is sweet, kind, responsible, respectful, loyal, kind hearted. That’s all I want.